Fair warning, this is going to be a long post.
My entire junior year of college I was in group therapy, run by the university. There were 8 of us students ranging from freshmen to seniors, and 2 therapists. We met once a week for an hour and a half and it was so relaxing to have that “me time” dedicated to my mental health once a week. After having a breakdown right after Halloween and almost ending up in the hospital, they encouraged me to go see the psychiatrist as well and I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and Major Depressive Disorder. I turned to medication and was on antidepressants and anti anxiety medication for 6 months. The combination of meds and group helped me get my life back on track and made me a really pleasant person to be around.
Fast forward to a year later, I was a second semester senior and started to drift from my school friends and became best friends with one of my managers at work. My emotions were insane my last 2 months of school, I cried at almost everything (I started sobbing because my best friend suggested we watch The Fox and the Hound) and I started to become a little more unpleasant to be around. I went back to the psychiatrist, and he gave me Ativan again and also Effexor, thinking I was depressed. I tried Effexor for one day and I was on my bathroom floor so dizzy and nauseated, I couldn’t move. My depression wasn’t necessarily back as I was just unhappy, not sad.
I have been having a great summer so far but I have had a lot of problems in the dating/relationship areas, as well as a ton of self confidence issues. When I drink, which is about 3-4 days out of the week, I’ve started becoming a different person sometimes. That is, I can be a total asshole. I’ve hurt some of the people closest to me a handful of times now and I am ashamed of myself. I’ve been internalizing a lot of my emotions and it’s starting to make me bitter again. I honestly have some of the best friends around and there is no excuse to my behavior as it is something I can change and something I really need to work on.
I’m going to make an appointment tomorrow to go back on anxiety meds and start talking to someone again. My actions don’t only hurt those around me but they make me feel like shit. I have some bad karma coming for me and I need to change that ASAP.
If anyone is reading this and I have hurt you, and you know who you are, I am sorry from the bottom of my heart and I hope we can move forward. I promise to change and never act like that again. I need to better myself.
I love this new update
😈 feeling like a badass
Look how much of a cutie/hottie my roomie is
yeah i know guac is extra